Birthdays are like presidential elections. I don’t like them, but they still keep coming around every four years.

“There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that sm…”

“I need to lay low for a while. I’ll be on my stomach, trying not to arch my bac…”

“Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I…”

“I always never leave things for the last minute. I leave them for 59 seconds.”