Black holes are darker than magic markers, but not as black as my mood.

“The idea of a blind date scares me. But a deaf date would be great.”

“If I ever see an alien fishing in Scotland, and witness it catching the Loch Ne…”

“If my nipples lactated mustard, I’d wear a bra made out of two hamburger buns.”

“I think the best time to launch an assault on a city would be not only in the m…”