Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.

“A brick could be used as brain filler for the political mind, just in case one …”

“A brick could be used to help teach teenagers to tie their shoes. Honestly, if …”

“I wanted to make her a greeting card, but as far as I got was folding the paper…”

“She had an ass behind her that went on for days. In fact, I’m still talking abo…”