Chop off my erection. That way you don’t have to go battery-operated penis shopping.

“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair…”

“I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't b…”

“He’s a year shorter than me, but he’s a foot younger. I love him like the broth…”

“Flower coffee—less caffeinated, more romantic. I wanted to be with her, but whe…”