Dear 30 years old, why are you stalking me? Please leave me alone or I’ll be forced to alert the authorities.

“My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.”

“My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it…”

“Love is silence multiplied by noise and divided by two.”

“Guacamole makes an excellent facial cream. It won’t reduce wrinkles, but I’d su…”