Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.

“On my recent trip to Washington DC, I wore a hat I made out of a tin funnel tha…”

“Men lie to get laid, women lie about orgasms, and hermaphrodites lie to themsel…”

“I had to put away my toy so it didn’t get lost. After all, cats can’t read maps…”

“The man with two plungers for hands never wipes his ass, but he also never clog…”