Don’t be surprised if I try to stab you with a club sandwich sword. I will defend your right to free speech at any cost—including killing you.

“Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the mo…”

“I still remember my middle school locker combination. Maybe I should go back to…”

“I’m tired of calling @PapaJohns. I wish they’d call me for once. I’m starting t…”

“A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a…”