Drive, guy. That green light isn’t going to get a deeper green. It’ll only ripen and turn yellow.

“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own c…”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”

“The water trapped in my window makes it like an aquarium—which makes me the fis…”

“I went through and underlined all the funny lines in his book, and by the time …”