For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.

“I tried being 29, and it worked for about a year, but finally I just had to get…”

“My bed’s as big as a medium-sized apartment in New York City. And my erection i…”

“I’ll make fun of him, but I’ll call him Him, because if I use his name I’ll imm…”

“Trying to put a baby back in the womb is like trying to convert a butterfly int…”