Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch out for the fake ones.

“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always ke…”

“I don’t need to actually make my product safer. All I need to do to make it saf…”

“I love like a lawnmower in the desert. I love like a solar-powered lunar vehicl…”

“Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go.”