He wanted to pay me in agriculture, but I told him, "I need something that's going to put food on the table.

“I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.”

“I think a cool war helmet is painted with red and white concentric circles, exa…”

“I ate a Danish. Better than eating someone from Finland.”

“It’s not true that selling stolen goods has no overhead. Prison’s got a ceiling.”