He was my distant cousin. Not only was he 50 miles away and 50 years away, but he was just very aloof.

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And…”

“The man with two plungers for hands never wipes his ass, but he also never clog…”

“A blanket could be used to cover up my leftover meatloaf. But I’m not intereste…”

“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago…”