Her message was short: “Any kids?” So I wrote, “Sure. But it might take me a few tries to get you pregnant.

“An empty bag of chips would make a great sleeping bag, if it were larger. Or if…”

“With his spiked brown hair, he would have looked like a porcupine if he wasn’t …”

“Don’t bother calling the cops, because nobody can find me here. I know, because…”

“Growing up, my mom made dinner every night. Usually this would be a large salad…”