Her shoes were so pink that if she stepped in bubblegum, nobody would be able to see. And my shoes were so brown that if I stepped in shit, you wouldn’t be able to tell that I had just trampled on the collected works of Allen Ginsberg.

“If I told you I don’t tell lies, that itself would be a lie.”

“I can kick the can down the road, and I can also kick other modal verbs.”

“I’m so OCD that I sort the sort ofs out from the maybes.”

“A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the mor…”