His last name was Gum, and I wanted to chew him out. But I’ll save that for the Federal Reserve, who are responsible for the biggest bubbles in history.

“I asked my doctor for the best gift ever: Life. Still, he wouldn’t take one for…”

“Some men might buy their wives stoves for their birthdays. But I’m not that sex…”

“I should invent a stationary bike/electrical generator/phonograph player, so th…”

“I’m not rich in paper money, I’m rich in packets of sugar. Actually, I’m richer…”