How many birthdays can you fit in your lifetime? If you answered "All of them," you should have your genitals ripped out from underneath your father's pillowcase.

“I want to direct a movie called “Sleep” that’s sure to put everybody to the tit…”

“I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knu…”

“Large metal objects moving at high speeds have such an impact on me that I just…”

“Everything I learned in school, mixed together with water and chicken broth, is…”