I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate.

“When I smile, not only do my ears rise, but so does my listening ability. When …”

“Mr. Shit gives politicians a good name. It’s the rest of the politicians who gi…”

“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is …”

“My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at …”