I am cursed. Everybody around me dies. It just might take a hundred years for them to do so.

“I’m growing my hair out. Out of the country, because it’s cheaper to grow it in…”

“The water trapped in my window makes it like an aquarium—which makes me the fis…”

“I wish I could climb the corporate ladder like I could climb a tree, but I can’…”

“If love melted like a statue made of butter, would you consider me a pancake or…”