I am on pace to break his record. He’s only got one, so after that I’m going to smash all his CDs—starting with the Beatles’ White Album.

“I got a call back on a job query from a week ago. It’s for a front desk positio…”

“I have a problem. I wouldn’t say I’m in a pickle. More like a vinegarized cucum…”

“I submitted a poem last night to The New Yorker. They said it can take up to th…”

“If love had two wings and rhymed with “mutter-lie,” could I be your caterpillar…”