I am who I’ve been pretending to be my whole life.

“The cop wanted to know what was in the bag. I said, Another cop.”

“Having kids and making kids are two different hobbies. I don’t have any childre…”

“A brick could be used to represent my hero. My hero obviously doesn’t look like…”

“Here’s a list of three character qualities women should look for in a guy, in d…”