I ate a half a cookie, but not because I wanted to. I ate it out of necessity.

“If love came out of exhaust pipes, like a penis that penetrated deep into one, …”

“A brick is something solid, stable, and yet edgy. In other words, it’s everythi…”

“I’m divorced, in debt, and I can’t grow sideburns. Sometimes I get depressed, b…”

“I buy all my socks with holes in them. Otherwise, how would I get my feet in th…”