I booked a table for two at a five-star restaurant. Rebecca couldn’t make it, because at the last minute I backed out of asking her.

“Who needs a thermometer? That’s what my nipples are for.”

“I couldn’t make a free throw if the basket were as big as the Grand Canyon. But…”

“I’m trying to assess how many how manies I’ll need to start a baseball team. I …”

“If you don’t cover your mouth, a yawn is an invitation for a blowjob.”