I bought two items to get a third free, and then I returned the two. I should be Shopper of the Year

“I want to publish a book on toilet paper—not only about toilet paper, but actua…”

“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costu…”

“I always wear size 14 boat shoes that are so old they could have been built by …”

“When I go house hunting, I use a rather large gun. You should see me fish for t…”