I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a knife. And cats are masters at getting into boxes, so here, try opening it with my portable meow maker.


“I was in the shower the other day and I noticed on the back of the shampoo bott…”

“I call masturbating “Gregging,” named not after a man named Greg, but a guy nam…”

“The first guy who beats me up isn’t going to pay for it, but the second guy who…”

“I’m a Colorado boy at heart, even though my surrounding body is like the landma…”