I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.

“Growing up, I used to use and apple instead of a baseball. It was just more fun…”

“Lay your head on my shoulder and massage my buttocks while you cry.”

“A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking becau…”

“The months roll by like wheels on a wheelchair. Pretty soon it’ll be July. Feel…”