I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.


“About money-grubbing women, here’s my stance: Bring on the gold diggers. I’ve g…”

“I should make a tongue condom shaped like an oven mitt, so my mouth’s spoken la…”

“To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I…”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though,…”