I can go from zero to sixty in 59 M.P.H.

“I’ve got a piece of the American Dream. I don’t have a house, but I do have a n…”

“I lost my virginity in the back seat of a Buick. Not because I’m a romantic, bu…”

“Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d b…”

“When I fake smile the corners of my mouth twitch from tiredness, then nervousne…”