I can tell time, but I can’t tell time to stop or fuck off.

“I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “…”

“It’s amazing how nostalgia filters out the bad and focuses only on the good.”

“I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we we…”

“I bought my groceries and they included free bags!”