I conceal myself behind cynicism because it’s safe. Camouflage is more protective than body armor. Why do you think the Department of Defense contacted me to design a gun that shoots insults?

“I like to switch things up by keeping things the same. People never expect it.”

“A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash …”

“You know what show I thought was a riot? Live coverage of Egyptians overthrowin…”

“Never sit on a freshly painted bench, or stand on a wet wall. That’s a lesson i…”