I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal!

“I am the assembly line of love. Please take off your shoes before you run on my…”

“Not only did I not win the sweepstakes, but I didn’t even bother to enter. I fe…”

“I feel like my old self. Especially since I feel like I’m developing dementia.”

“I wish I could grow out a beard, but my employer won’t let me. Also, Mother Nat…”