I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.

“I used to have straw-colored hair. Horses loved it.”

“You make me sick. I think I’ll have to call out of work on your account. Or hav…”

“I’d love to try to sell a blank white canvas to an art dealer. And when he asks…”

“I'm not interested in you as a person. I am, however, interested in you as a ba…”