I didn’t fire my gun. I gave it a promotion.

“If you want to bend your mind, don’t use a crowbar.”

“I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a t…”

“I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding g…”

“The wind held the door open for me, and I appreciated it. Who knew the breeze w…”