I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).

“I thought I did, but I guess I didn’t. But I did think I did, and it’s the thou…”

“A blanket could be used to make people smile. But the blanket won’t make just a…”

“Come, midget, and use my pillow as a sleeping bag.”

“I’m such a germaphobe that I think sanitation gloves should be thicker than box…”