I don’t like chili, unless I’m wearing a jacket.

“I make love like I sing—in a choir, alone in the bathtub.”

“I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered th…”

“I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously lik…”

“I really relate to you,” I said to my dad. “I can tell we’re in the same boat, …”