I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.

“-Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you a…”

“I used to date an older obese woman named Ten, but everyone just called her "X"…”

“I have three sets of humor. One I keep in a bag of salt, because it’s the dry o…”

“Marriage is the dearth of sex as we know it.”