I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.


“People are like puzzles. Especially interconnected people, like Siamese twins.”

“I’m about to cross a time zone, and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling…”

“My favorite snack is vagina. The only thing I hate is unwrapping all that saran…”

“She said, “Name something people only use once.” I said, “The phrase, ‘You cowa…”