I don't understand why I screw everything up.

“It’s hard as hell to hold on to your dignity when the risen sun is too bright i…”

“What did Dom Perignon say to fellow monks after he invented champagne? ... Come…”

“The thing about getting dumped generally, and getting dumped by Katherines in p…”

“I wouldn't have cared if my girlfriend was a Jaguar-driving Cyclops with a bear…”