I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.

“I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a t…”

“I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with…”

“The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago.”

“I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a j…”