I feel like I’m late for love. I’ll be 30 in March. Damn it! I knew I should have set my alarm clock.

“A brick could be used like Dracula uses binoculars. I swear that pervert peeps …”

“My favorite salad dressing is vodka. And my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee…”

“A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chis…”

“I carry a concealed weapon—high cholesterol. It’s deadly.
”