I found panties in the chimney, and they’re not mine. They must belong to a fire crotch.

“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up p…”

“I always say “I couldn’t agree more,” even if I wholeheartedly disagree, becaus…”

“Words failed me at the precise moment I thought I was passing my vocabulary tes…”

“The only thing that can tame and temper love is love. Also syphilis.
”