I get along with everybody. You know this because everybody is a jerk, yet when all these jerks meet me they are perfectly nice people.

“After I had my computer about a month, I finally figured out how to turn it on.…”

“I believe that guns offer the most bang for the buck.”

“The only class I studied religiously was Christianity 101.”

“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without je…”