I got him a cool gift. I got him a pack of razors, and a really furry dead cat.

“Then he cocked his head to the side, arched his left eyebrow like a drawbridge,…”

“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may…”

“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.”

“You know what really chokes me up? Being strangled.”