I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.

“I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blo…”

“I refuse to dispense chewable advice for free. I’m not a bubblegum machine. No,…”

“Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia.…”

“They should make suitcases shaped like human bodies, for discretely transportin…”