I had a Chinese girlfriend once who asked me how much she meant to me. I knew very little Chinese, so I responded, "Chicken Lo Mein.

“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair…”

“Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is t…”

“I bought a zoo, which is funny, because I own the very place that should own me.”

“We have no secrets from each other, though sometimes I wish some things were mo…”