I had a dream I took the form of Chuck Norris and kicked your ass. Then I impregnated you from across the room.

“You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.”

“Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand wor…”

“Just got done giving my cat a haircut and eating dinner. The two events are unr…”

“Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.”