I hate it when I go shopping and leave my wallet at home, in my pants, along with my underwear.

“I use blankets like armor for cold.
”

“I can’t charge you 99 cents for a book called 99 Cents For Some Nonsense, becau…”

“I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height wi…”

“Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in …”