I have an itch. Wait, scratch that. That’s just a tickle that comes from being in love with someone who’s not in love with me.

“My brother’s a big dog guy. He’s 7’2” and half man, half man’s best friend.”

“I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the dat…”

“There are only two kinds of books worth keeping: Valuable books and valuable bo…”

“She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stag…”