I have so many pet peeves that I can’t even pet them all. And damn I wish they were furry.

“Do not oppose my opposable thumbs. If you do, we’ll have a thumb war.”

“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think …”

“A brick could be used like a simile, and I’d like it. But not as much as I’d li…”

“I always misspell the word “unique,” just to keep it youneeq.”