I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin.

“If my clone writes my biography, is it really an autobiography?”

“The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell …”

“Dear Mr. Peacock,
I miss your plumage, and I’m flummoxed by your plummeting des…”

“If I met a man who had eleven sons, the first thing I’d ask is, Are they all yo…”