I haven’t seen my old friends in a while. Maybe next week I’ll go visit them in the nursing home.

“I’d run 26.2 miles to eat a Marathon candy bar.”

“If I were a magician, I’d hand out broken compasses. It’s all about misdirectio…”

“I am fun, friendly, and I know how to use the third comma in a list of three di…”

“If I were a waiter, and a bald guy complained there was a hair in his food, I’d…”